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By Matt Baume. By Elyssa Goodman. I don't know why. It's been eight years since, but I've never forgotten that conversation because it started me on the road to questioning my racial preferences. They had always been a reflex, not anything I had really thought about until that evening.
I Went to a 'Tops' and 'Bottoms' Speed-Dating Event
Why was I attracted only to white men, I asked myself. Why wouldn't I even consider another Asian guy as a potential partner? I'd been attracted to white men since my earliest memory. From my preadolescent crushes to my teen idols, my white knight had always been, well, white. The only Asians I saw on TV or in the movies were houseboys or nerds, and there were certainly no Asian male models in the pages of the fashion magazines my friends and I so fervently perused.
I realized I was not alone in this. Most of the gay Asians I knew would only date white guys, and most of us just accepted this as the norm. But as I looked more deeply into the phenomenon, I was astonished by how widespread it was, at just how huge a percentage of gay Asian men were attracted only to white men. I thought of how my gay Asian friends and I accepted dates from Caucasian men we weren't even attracted to, just so we could have a white partner.
And most of the gay white men we met were not interested in dating Asians. As in heterosexual society, Asian men were considered to be at the absolute bottom in the hierarchy of desirability.
The white men who could see us as individuals and not stereotypes were few and far between, so we potato queens just took whichever potatoes came our way. After that night in Boston, though, I became determined to examine my own prejudices against dating Asian men and to fight the lifelong conditioning that had taught me to think of myself and other Asian men as inferior to white men.
As my own ethnic self-esteem grew, I found myself becoming more and more attracted to other Asian men. I began looking to meet and chat with other "sticky" Asian men. But they weren't easy to find.