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Is your cool older brother friends with a cool older lesbian? Maybe your plumber is a lesbian for real, though. Well girl, don't be shy. Go and talk to her! Tell her you're part of the tribe and, most likely, she will invite you to her next night out with the ladies. If she's a cold bitch to you, well, shame on her. Send her my way, and I will set that mean lesbian straight. Karma will surely bite her in the ass, and she will die, sexless and surrounded by aging cats.

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Seek out another, nicer lesbian mentor. And if you can't find a lesbian mentor, don't worry. Mama's got a backup plan Go to the lesbian bar alone. If you don't have a lesbian bar in your town, get online and research a lesbian night somewhere in the surrounding area.

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I promise there will be one. Who doesn't love a mystery woman who is sitting solo at the girl bar?


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I always talk to the girl by herself. I think independence is sexy. At the end of the day, we are a community. And lesbians are so incestuous that we've all dated each other by now. We're perpetually thirsty for fresh gay blood, so being new on the scene actually works in your favor. Also, if you don't like bars, you're totally fine! Go to Meetup.

There is always a lesbian art walk, or book club, or walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. Well yes, duhhh, you can meet girls anywhere. However, I don't recommend girlfriend-hunting at a straight bar in those fragile early days of your gayness. I used to troll the straight bars when I was a new lez, and almost all the girls I thought were gay weren't. I made a huge ass hat out of myself. Or I just sat back and watched my straight girlfriends make out with fratty-looking boys, and I would just grow increasingly bitter and irritated and end up overdrinking and waking up depressed and hopeless and hungover.

It's no way to spend your youth. If they aren't, that's fine.

They will let you know. But they have NO right to be offended by you hitting on them when in lesbian land. Remember, the homo bar is your territory, and you should feel empowered on your turf. Out yourself as much as possible. No one is going to know you're gay just by looking at you everyone rocks short hair and flannel these days , so make sure everywhere you go, you slip in your sexual identity. Sprinkle in an "Oh, my ex-girlfriend did this I want to date her Gay news travels fast.

Before you know it, word will be out on the street, and straight friends will set you up with their gay friends. A friend setup is always the best way to meet cool people. Also, other gays, gays at the office, gays in the family, gays at the gym, gays everywhere will come flying out of the woodwork. If you're new to being gay, online dating is your best friend. Don't give me the prim "I don't like dating apps" garble.

Best lesbian dating sites (and why they work): HER, OkCupid, and more

This is not a time in your life to be smug. And sadly, lesbian bars are being shut down at an alarming rate. With the great lack of queer spaces, if you want to get laid, you need to swallow your pride and swipe left and right. Make sure you put in your bio what you're looking for.

There are so many "straight" girls on Tinder who are just seeking out threesomes with their boyfriends. Annoying, I know, but girl, I had to do it, too. I didn't match with anyone for a while, until I think this was one of the biggest points of stress I faced when I first started dating girls. Here is what I learned after years and years of relentless bill anxiety: You can, of course, split the check.

But ugh. Check-splitting isn't sexy. It's wildly unromantic. And I don't know about you, but I crave r-o-m-a-n-c-e. I would rather foot the entire bill and I'm not a rich power lesbian, YET over going dutch any day of the week. The lines can already get easily blurred between friendship and love in lesbian land, so I think it's important to draw distinct lines.

Keep your friends friendly and your dates datey. If you're racked with fear about the whole bill thing, I have a simple solution: Offer to pay the bill. Be prepared to pay the bill. However, if the girl you're on a date with is vehement about paying the bill, let her pay, babes.


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Straight girls get treated all the time. You're not robbed of being romantically indulged just because you're a lesbian. Don't feel guilty because it's a girl.

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Get over that. I know it's new to you, but a date is a date is a date, and if she wants to pay, let the bitch pay. Advertise Contact. Login Sign Up Menu. Login with a social network. Login with email and password Email Address. Sign In.

A No-Fail Guide To Lesbian Dating For The Newly Out Lesbian

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